Don’t Panic
Chapter 14 of The Ballad of Abigail Lambert
Abigail wandered the forest near the ranch, alone. She could only quiet the gnawing with Esperanza by her side. At the very least, her voice would be enough to spare Abigail the torment she’d been forced to bear for so many years. How far could she have possibly gotten? If the girl had any lick of sense, by her estimation, she would’ve wasted no time in moving on to Tennessee. She could just as easily still be back at the ranch, shot dead in the crossfire of the previous night or worse: back in Colin’s grasp. Of any of the potential fates that could’ve befallen the young girl, all of them inspired nothing but dread in Abigail.
If she did fail to shepherd Esperanza back to Tennessee, what would become of her? Would she still find herself condemned to suffer eternally as she had been before their chance encounter? How was she so sure that taking the girl home would allow her the release she craved so desperately? Life could just as easily decide to renege on that promise, much as it had already reneged on the assumed promise of death at the end of Abigail’s previous attempts at suicide.
She wasn’t even entirely sure how a Mexican girl with a southern drawl wound up calling Tennessee home. It hadn’t even occurred to her to ask, but it was only one of many other questions Abigail harbored now in the same vein. She’d been so absorbed in her self-indulgent quest to get this girl home with its implied promise of death by the end, she’d neglected to give the girl her due and now—it might actually be too late.
Regret was a common state of mind for Abigail, but this was the first time that the feeling had been so crippling, for it was her carelessness that endangered a child who didn’t deserve it. However Esperanza may have regarded herself, the fact was that she remained a child; a young teenager if specifics were necessary—and Abigail had assumed the responsibility of getting her home. A responsibility she failed to keep and now suffered the consequences of the failure. It was her doing that brought violence and rage to the ranch her brother called home. Her fault that the family her brother had hoped to start once again was ripped from his arms. Perhaps he’d been spared the suffering that came with that fact with a bullet to the head, but she couldn’t know for sure.
The weight of it all was simply too great for Abigail, and she began to slap herself across the face. Every hit, her penance for failing Esperanza, her penance for once again ruining her brother’s life, her penance for assuming she had the fortitude to take on such a responsibility and her penance for being stupid enough to think she could ever find her. With the last hit, Abigail collapsed to the ground and cried.
As the tears rolled down her cheeks, Abigail couldn’t help but picture Esperanza tied to that bed once again, how they’d come so far only for Abigail’s intervention in the girl’s life to make it even worse. What wrath would she be forced to endure at that animal’s hands? If she could trade places with the girl, she would assume every ounce of suffering that came Esperanza’s way, but such was the hand she’d been dealt, and how horribly had she played her hand.
It was the wastefulness of the journey that ate away at her. How nothing would be better as a result of all they’d gone through, and that she’d only managed to make everything worse, for everyone involved. No amount of good she may have been able to bring to those she crossed paths with would outweigh the sins against her, and she would be forced to walk the Earth for eternity with the weight of that bearing down upon her shoulders. Perhaps it was her lot in life, to simply bring everyone in close proximity down to her level. It was no wonder she found herself isolated for so long if such a fate was what she was made for.
If only she had the chance, just one, to reconvene with Esperanza. It would be different. By God, would she do it right. If she could be blessed with the opportunity, she would do everything she could to make things right, if it was the last thing she ever did. She lifted her head off the dirt, wiping the tears from her eyes. Her vision clear, she spotted a fresh paw print on the ground—that of a dog’s. One after another, they formed a trail. If Abigail was being given another chance, surely, this was it.
She followed the trail as best she could, the only trouble being that she’d kept her nose to the ground so intently, she didn’t realize she’d followed the tracks in a circle. Confused, she tore a piece of her sleeve and tied it to a branch of the nearest tree. She followed in the dog’s tracks once more, but when she returned to her branded tree—she cursed the day she was born. So much for the opportunity, she thought, but where one door was closed, another appeared behind it.
She spotted a curiosity a few feet off the ground near the tree: a spider, in the midst of repairing its damaged web. The breeze carried its strands east, almost as if guiding her in the direction she ought to go. She couldn’t be far, Abigail figured, and she headed in that direction, leaving the branded tree behind her. She summited a hill and was able to get an eye on a good spread of the forest she found herself lost within. And that’s when she found them: Esperanza with a guitar strapped to her back, Jules at her side.
“Esperanza!” Abigail shouted, elation ringing out in her voice.
It was such a strange undercurrent, at least to Esperanza, that she initially didn’t recognize the voice as Abigail’s. She raised a pistol as she turned to the source of the voice, but once she saw Abigail atop the hill, she lowered her gun. Abigail sped down the hill and took her in her arms. Esperanza could hardly believe the reaction.
“I was so worried I’d lost you,” she told the girl.
“You? Worried?”
“I was tracking the dog’s prints, but you circled around.”
“To throw off the trail,” Esperanza admitted. Abigail smiled.
“Good girl.” They continued onward together. Abigail looked to the guitar slung across her back. “Of all the things to save, you steal my brother’s guitar?”
“I didn’t steal it!” She said. “He told me to keep it in my room.”
“Somehow I doubt he told you to keep it period,” Abigail said with a wry smile.
“It’s a little late for that now, no?” Esperanza asked. Abigail had nothing to counter.
“How did you get out of there?”
“Ducked out the bedroom window with Jules. I saw the barn on fire, and when I saw who did it, I just did what I thought you’d want me to.”
“You did good.”
It was about sundown now, and they came upon a small lake. “This might be as good a place as any to rest up for the night,” Abigail said.
“Good. I’m exhausted.” Esperanza let down her things. Abigail stepped over to the lake shore.
“What say you, we teach you how to swim?” Abigail asked her.
“Right now?”
“No time like the present.” Abigail took off her clothes and hopped into the water. It sent a shiver up her spine the further she submerged, the hairs on the back of her neck stood straight up. Esperanza, apprehensive at first, followed suit and took off her clothes to go for a swim. Every step she waded further into the water sent her body shaking more, but it wasn’t from the cold. She got about waist deep before she stopped all together.
“You’ve gotta relax,” Abigail said.
“That’s easier said than done.”
“Here.” Abigail swam over to her, took her by the hand and guided her further into the water. “Breathe,” Abigail said. She placed a hand on her chest. “Lay flat on your belly,” she instructed.
“I’m gonna go under if I do that,” she worried.
“No, you won’t! Just relax. I’ve got ya.” She held her between her hands. “Extend your arms,” Abigail said. As she did what she was told, Abigail could feel Esperanza’s body start to quake.
“I’m gonna sink like a rock!” Esperanza cried.
“You’re going to float.” She let her go.
Despite Esperanza’s fears, to the contrary, she did in fact float.
“Now take your arms, and use them to pull yourself forward, like you’re running on all fours.”
“I’m not a dog.”
“No, but your dog is doing just fine.” Abigail pointed over at Jules, who was currently swimming around the lake with a smile on her face. She barked. “If the dog can do it, so can you.” Abigail began to drift away.
“Where are you going?” Esperanza asked.
“Don’t panic. You’re gonna use your arms to pull yourself toward me.”
“I can’t!”
“Yes, you can.” Esperanza remained frozen in fear. “You’ve got this, Esperanza. Swim to me.”
She kicked and paddled, splashing all over the place, but she managed to keep her head above water. Abigail caught her once she made it over.
“You see!” Abigail said. Esperanza laughed, and Jules barked once more.
Abigail, Esperanza and Jules broke the tree line and happened upon an abandoned town. Not a large town by any stretch, only a handful of buildings and homes on either side of what used to be a main street. The structures were rotting away, covered in overgrowth. It had been several years since this place had last been seen touched by human hands, and the tranquility of it was serene.
“This whole place is empty,” Esperanza said.
“Whatever well they decided to build around must’ve gone dry,” Abigail replied.
“You think that’s what did it?”
“Could’ve been anything.”
Esperanza approached one of the houses. She peeked in through the doorway, the door having been ripped off its hinges ages ago. She spotted a table with what appeared to be plates placed for an evening supper. Whatever food that’d been left behind by the critters that arrived in their absence was sporting mold and fungi.
“Seems like they left in a hurry,” Esperanza said.
“What makes you say that?” Abigail approached the house to get a better look herself.
“Dinner’s still on the table.” Esperanza walked away. Jules began to whimper.
“I know, girl. This place gives me the creeps, too.” Esperanza gave the dog a pat on the back.
“Interesting for a whole town to pick up and leave all at once.” Abigail stepped off the porch. She ran her hand down the pylon, the dents beneath sparking her curiosity. It was as though someone stabbed the wood several times. There was an arrowhead still lodged in the wood, hiding beneath the vines. She removed it from the wood to get a better look, and pocketed it.
“I feel like we’re being watched,” Esperanza said as she looked over her shoulder to the tree line that surrounded the ghost town. The leaves and bushes swayed with the wind. “Can we get out of here?” She asked. Abigail was beginning to feel the same sensation.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
After they’d put some distance between them and the ghost town, they found a spot to make camp after nightfall. Huddled around the campfire, Abigail stared up at the stars.
“You learn how to play anything on that thing yet?” Abigail asked her.
“I’ve practiced a bit.”
“Show me.” Esperanza sat upright and took the guitar in hand. She strummed, note after note, playing something of a somber tune. Abigail often recoiled in the presence of music, the wrong tune would be liable to send her down a train of thought that could be too painful to endure, so she usually dispensed with music all together. Ever since sharing the stage with Jebidiah and the boys back at her brother’s ranch, she no longer feared music’s power over her.
“That’s wonderful,” Abigail said as she turned to face her.
“You really think so?” She asked. Abigail smiled. Esperanza couldn’t help but smile herself, but when Abigail spotted the shadows as they shifted behind Esperanza, her smile quickly faded.
“What?”
Out of the darkness sprung a tribe of Natives. They held Abigail to the ground. Esperanza was quick to swing the guitar and it shattered as she hit one of the Natives. It mattered little though, as another came up behind her and forced her to the ground.
“Get your hands off me you injun bastard!” Abigail shouted. It fazed them little, as they continued to restrain the pair of them by tying their wrists and ankles. They proceeded to cover their heads with rucksacks, and smacked them across the head, knocking the both of them unconscious.
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